Duke Nukem Forever

A truly outstanding review. The loathing for this game is almost tangible in the photons oozing from each pixel in my screen.

I played DNF for about 15 minutes. The gameplay ... I can summarize as this;

1. Enter a new room. Door closes behind.
2. Waves of melee hogs appear (from nowhere, it seemed). Kill them.
3. Waves of armoured hogs with guns appear. Kill them.
4. Waves of flying hogs with lasers appear. Kill them.
5. Exit door glows. Run to it.
6. Batter the A button to "lift" the door for no good reason other than some other game did it before (and it wasn't clever then)
7. Go to #1

I left out the numerous loading screens after each (inevitable, given the laggy controls and poor frame rate) death.

That was all I could stand. I swore and left the game.

I don't expect Spong will be getting any more future review code from Take Two

Someone I work with told me about this review and offered no spoilers. I heard bad things about DNF ('Did Not Finish' in horse racing terms, BTW - how apt) and saw a little bit for meself when I visited SPOnG's underwater castle yesterday, but serious props to Tim for this. The 'Resale Value' para made me really lol. It's good to lol.

Not everyone agrees with you. I loved it, as did many others. That "run in to room, door closes, kill baddy, door opens" could aptly describe most fps's these days, not least the virtually on-rails COD crap which gives most games journalists wet dreams these days.

I'm not saying Duke is anywhere near as good as COD, obviously, and I'm not saying it doesn't have it's faults, but I fail to understand the review-hate it's getting.

Admittedly I'm playing (actually, re-playing, I had such a blast the first time) on a PC and it does sound like the console releases had a lot more technical issues.

But still. The games fun. A welcome break from the "realistic" shooters of the day.

Re the toilet humor, what I don't understand is how it has such a negative effect on reviewers. I mean, there was absolutely no way Duke wasn't going to be full of it. And I don't see how it can be any more intelligent without just removing it. And then it wouldn't be Duke. What were you expecting? Tea with Mary Whitehouse? (And if you have to look her up then case in point that you're not old enough to be reviewing this game.)

Get someone who's played Duke3D to review the PS3/PC version. Not hating on this review or saying it's invalid as I respect a review without the rose coloured glasses.

If they wanted to recreate games of yore, then they should of dumped the health regen and two gun limit (wtf) two reasons I won't be picking this up.

@cr0wn3r You don't want to be arguing age with Tim, I think he'll win ...... or lose depending on how you look at it!

Erm... thanks?

:-)

Cheers

Tim

Cheers Cfan. My point in reviewing the title with no thought to the previous titles is that it's been reviewed as a new title to new gamers. The whole "nostalgia-sell" marketing seemed cynical at best. Frankly, I can't see why they didn't knock it out as an HD PSN and XBLA title.

That said, for fans of the old Duke, I'd be pleased to have some old school fan review the PC/PS3 or even re-review the 360 title. Any takers?

Cheers

Tim

Hi cr0wn3r,

True on many points, particularly that people won't always agree with my reviews. Also, I agree with the on-rails crap statement.



Yup, I was just reviewing the 360 version as that's the one that 2K sent me for review.



As I think I made plain, it's tedious, laboured toilet humour a la late period Carry Ons (see, I am old enough). If it was quality toilet humour then I've not got a problem with it.

Anyway, thanks for commenting and, as I say, I'm with you all the way on On-Rails Crap FPSs.

Cheers

Tim

@Tim, glad you didn't take that comment the wrong way. I'd love to review it for you but I'm not picking it up till bargin bin prices hit (which shouldn't be too long, seeing as it's #1 at the moment in the charts, give it a month or two and Game will be flooded with them)

Has Config played the old Duke?

Of course I didn't. Good to have you commenting.

I may also have to keep you to your reviewing word :)

Cheers

Tim

Well, just been off the email with 2K and they're sending over PS3 and PC versions tonight. You still up for it?

Cheers

Tim

Yes, Yes I am. (only if you don't quote my spelling mistakes *bargain)

Cept my console of choice is 360...sorry Tim :(

Demo impressions.

It's really good to have the Duke back, but it doesn't make up for what seems half a Duke game. kept wishing while playing for the old style of FPS (health packs, secret areas, walking ammo dump...)
Even the interactivity seemed off, I could throw a turd but not punch the lights out of a sarky EDF soldier?

And please keep driving sections out of FPS that didn't have it to start with.